This last week or so has got me thinking a lot about Life. How I perceive Life. How I live Life. And what I want from Life. For years I have felt like a huge weight has been pressing on me, wearing me down, stealing the joy from life. I can’t explain what that weight is. It’s always been there- or has been there for more years than I can remember- and I never knew how to get rid of it. I thought that it was just the way I was, the way I perceived life- that for some lucky people life is a little easier, but I was one of the suckers that had to always struggle through life.
Then, about a week and a half ago, I had a conversation with someone, and when I walked away from that conversation I could literally feel the weight I had been carrying around for years being lifted off me. I shed tears of relief. The conversation I had wasn’t particularly stimulating and it started off quite hostile, but by the end of it I just felt like the pieces in a puzzle that I had been trying to figure out for years had fallen into place. The reason for the struggle had all brought me to this one place.
I feel like I’m at a crossroads now where I can choose to live my life the way I used to- which will probably cause the weight I was feeling to slowly start pressing down on me again- or I can choose to live differently. I’m terrified. Change is fucking hard.
It’s hard to be conscious enough not to repeat your past mistakes. It’s hard to be conscious of EVERY choice you make and whether it is putting you closer or farther away from your goal. Fuck, I find it hard to have goals. It’s hard to be disciplined enough not to give in to immediate gratification when your husband died at 31 and you think to yourself “I could die any time, so why shouldn’t I treat myself/live a little/spend it all now? I might not be here tomorrow”.
I’m on existential crisis number 16214 in this lifetime (LOL!) and am REALLY trying to make some deep down changes. I’m trying to take a deep breath before making any decisions. I am trying to learn the art of waiting- and waiting with anticipation and optimism as opposed to waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am really trying to change my mindset that life has to always be a struggle for me while others seem to float along without a care in the world. This life really is fleeting and I want to paint a different future for myself. Wish me luck and if you have any stories about how you overcame your struggles hit me up, I’m open to suggestions and I need all the help I can get 🙂
Life At This Full Moon
August in general is going to be heavy duty as 5 planets are retrograde which is digging up some deeeeeeeeeeep shit to be dealt with. Add a full moon with a lunar eclipse in there today and watch out. To get all the details about how this full moon may effect you head over to AstrologyKing.com.
Full Moon Oracle Pull
I was drawn to the Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle for this full moon oracle pull, the card I pulled was #5 Secret Doorway.
As I said before there are 5 planets in retrograde this month, so it’s bringing up a lot of deep rooted issues from the past that need to be healed. This card tells us that we need to understand that to learn something new we need to forget what we have been taught, or what we know. We need to look at all our familial, cultural and societal teachings and figure out where to clean the slate. What do we want to believe in? Is that what we were told as children? By society? If not, how can we align with our deepest truth? Listening to our intuition will help us facilitate change for the better in our lives.
My Current Faves
I thought I would add some tidbits in my newletters to help you get to know me better, I’d love feedback so if you’re diggin’ it let me know 🙂 I’m currently
Listening to: Devin Dawson– All On Me. This dude gives me the tingles in ALL the right places 😉
Reading: White Hot Truth by Danielle Laporte. On. Fire.
Eating: Fresh blueberries from the farmer’s market. Every Saturday morning in Niagara Falls. You should check it out.
Watching: Suits. Not liking where it’s going so far this season 🙁 Harvey and Donna- get it on already would ya?
Summer Mystic Wellness Bazaar– St. Catharines
Autumnfest– Niagara Falls
One Year Mystic Wellness Bazaar Anniversary- St. Catharines
Until next time, be well.
Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle by Lucy Cavendish, artwork by Selina Fenech. Used with permission of Blue Angel Publishing, © 2000. All rights reserved.